Things I Really Hate

There are just a few subjects that really burn me up, and the first one is sleep.

Never interrupt someone when they’re sleeping. I don’t know how many times this has happened to me. I’ll get all nice and comfortable. It’ll be the perfect temperature. And sleep will reach out like a lover, caressing my cheek even as she makes my eyes heavy. Right there, I’m right there at the entrance to dreamland when I hear. “Ryan, wake up…you’re driving.” 😆😆😆

I can’t help that my carpool mates like the environment inside the car to align perfectly with the environment I need to fall asleep. 😆

But, on a serious note, I do have something I actually hate. If you watch the blog then you’ll have noticed that none of my regular posts went up today. You might shrug it off as not unusual because it’s Labor Day here in the States, but that’s not the real reason there was no posting going on. In my Daly Stats post yesterday I mentioned that I was way behind on my homework. Well, that finally caught up with me and the panic monster woke up. Now I’ve got this insatiable drive to get all of my homework caught up before I worry about anything else.

This is kind of a good thing. The panic monster is invaluable to those of us who identify as procrastinators, as it help us get our shit done when it gets right down to the line. Unfortunately it waits until it’s practically standing on that line, and doesn’t pay attention to anything anybody else wants to do.

What I hate most about all of it is the declarations and decisions I made prior to the panic monster waking up. I’m here like, “Hey, buddy. I’m supposed to be doing this shit for a newer, better me. Get in line.” And the panic monster simply steamrolls me.

So, what’s the moral of the story? My declarations and decisions still stand. I am going to follow through. I just need to get caught up on my homework first. (Which was one of my goals anyway.) My posts will likely be sporadic over the next couple of days. But I will get it done, and then we’ll get in with the business of making this the best blog ever.

Ryan S. Kinsgrove

(I’m also posting all of this from my phone while I’m at work, so I don’t have my little banner or mailing list link to add.)

Multiplicity; The Act of Being Many

Have you ever had one of those secrets that defines your whole life. Your every waking moment is spent within the cocoon of that secret and you’re absolutely terrified of what will happen when it comes time to shed the cocoon and let every one in on your little (figuratively speaking) secret.

I know a lot of people have felt this way in the past. Many of them have been people hiding their sexual preference and finally coming out of the closet. Other undoubtedly feel this way about revealing the gender they identify as. For me, though, it’s something just as extreme, something that has just as much impact in my eyes as either of those reveals.

And, now I’m standing here on the stage with all the lights aimed at me. I can feel the glare baking my skin. The heat has soaked my collar in sweat. I swallow, and take a step closer to the edge of the stage.

Now that I have your attention… here’s my biggest secret: I have multiple personality disorder.

There are many other individuals who share my body and my life. We laugh together. We cry together. We dream together. And, I won’t hide them anymore.

Now, let’s take a careful look at a few factors. Multiple Personality Disorder technically isn’t the correct diagnosis for the disorder anymore. The correct diagnosis is Dissociative Identity Disorder. And, I’ll be straight up honest with you, I don’t like either of those classifications for what this is. And for more truth I’ve got to say I don’t have a de facto diagnosis from a doctor. This isn’t because I haven’t been tested and made my psychologist and psychiatrist well aware of the situation. The reason I don’t have the official diagnosis is because I refuse to be treated for it.

To me the others aren’t a disorder that needs to be heavily medicated and locked away. They are a part of me. A part of my everyday life. They are an accepted part of me, a package deal, and nothing anyone says is going to change my mind. My life wouldn’t be the same without them.

To me it’s not a disorder or condition with negative ramifications.

To me it is multiplicity; the act of being many.


Poem a Day: Waiting + Announcement


Is it going to be today?
What about tomorrow?
God, I need the pay,
So I do not have to borrow.

Cold Lunch is coming,
Long have I waited.
Lucien’s ever cunning,
Renfield’s thirst is sated.

Nervousness surrounds me,
Choking with anticipation,
Will they even like thee,
Can this be my occupation.

None can quench my thirst,
Cold Lunch comes on May first.


***Author’s Note***

So, my debut novel Cold Lunch is going to be released on May 1st and I am so on edge right now. XD

I’m filled with such a wild mix of emotions right now, and I don’t know which direction I should be going.

And, part of me is depressed, because I know this isn’t going to be a miracle moment. This release is going to change things for me, forever, but it’s not the miracle cure I’ve been dying for. I’ll still have to have a day job after the 1st. I have a long uphill battle with marketing coming up on the second. I put the book out there. I built it, now I need to let people know about it so they can come.

That being said, if you would be so kind, I’ve just started setting up a mailing list of like minded individuals. I thought I’d call you all my Kinsgrovians, and my newsletter will be the Kinsgrovian Press. Now, if you would, I’d like you to click right here, and sign up on my mailing list. That way you won’t miss an ounce of Kinsgrove.

Still Taking A Day

Still working on that blog course, but most (read: all) of my time last night was split between my book and homework. 

On top of the blog course I’m also enrolled in James Patterson’s master class. So that’s got me working on the book.

Do, yeah, being lazy.

Waiting, Waiting, Waiting

That’s all that’s going on right now. Sitting in the doctor’s office waiting to be seen. Hooray… Yeah, it’s about the last thing I want to be doing. 😒

I will say, though, this doctor is fantastic. He’s just not very punctual. Sometimes that’s because he’s working with other patients, giving each one the time and attention they deserve. Other times it’s because he hasn’t shown up yet. Like right now. 

My appointment was at 9:30. It’s now 12:30… and nobody in the office has been seen yet. Again, I’m not even sure that he’s here.


Okay, they just took the first patient back. 

So, something else to whine about… no I don’t really have anything else to whine about right now.

There is a benefit to the long wait. I’ve been working on the edits for Cold Lunch and I’m almost halfway through the book. If I put a bit more effort into it I might actually get to publish it later this month. Or early next month. Something to that effect.

Anywho, not sure what to do about the poetry today. I’ll see if I can come up with something before too long, and I’ll post it  either today or tomorrow, based on when I get it ready to post.

Too Much to Do

So, I didn’t post anything yesterday, and depending on when GMT rolls around I might not have posted anything today too. 

Reason why? Yesterday was a full day, worse than any normal work day as it included attending a funeral. It was all very draining and I didn’t have the energy to put into writing a poem or some other post. I actually planned on writing one this morning, before work. But, true to form, I was unable to wake up with my alarm clock. 

Se la vie.

The result is a short post written on my lunch break. We should (key word there) be back on a regular posting schedule tomorrow.